Street Fair

The other day, I went to town (Newcastle city centre).

I went to Pani’s as always, and had a cup of coffee and a chat with everyone I know there.

It was a beautiful morning, and I’d say it must have been the first spring type of a day that we’ve had this year; the weather’s always rubbish here.

Just as I was leaving Pani’s, I nearly crapped myself when I looked up and saw a smartly dressed fox, I thought someone had slipped a tab of acid into my coffee.

(Actually, I’ve just recognized that guy in the background; he tried to intimidate me on the bus one time. I was on my way to Chris’ house and he scared everyone off the top deck of the bus, except for me.
He was drunk or on something.
As I was the last person on the bus, he turned around and stared at me, I didn’t look at him, but I thought, “son, if yee want to fuckin fight me, you will get 20 years of anger unloaded on your face, so come on”, in the past I would have been scared, but this time I thought, hmm what are my options??
He was drunk, I have good upper body strength, so I knew I could get him off his feet quite easily; I planned to push him over, then go for his neck and eyes.

He started hissing at me, like a cat!? But he didn’t know that I’d just had to try to wash poop off Mitski’s bum that very morning, and her claws are a lot sharper than anything he’s got for me; she’s terrified of water, so she was hanging on to me like a tree, trying to escape, so this goon didn’t scare me with his shit cat impression.

Again, still, I ignored him, and then he stood up and walked up to the back of the bus where I was sitting, so I stood up, and I was quite a bit taller than him, I looked in his face and said, “what!?” and he said, “you passed the test”, “oh? What test?”, “you didn’t push it”.

I just said, oh whatever, and sat down again, and he went away. hahaha anyway……..the fair……..)

Anyway, after I’d been to Pani’s I saw that there was a street fair taking place on “High Bridge Street”, normally I’d not bother looking but I thought I’d have a look at what was going on, seeing as they’d made the effort to set their stalls up.

It was all food (get in!! hehe) and it was from all over the world, some Thai, some Chinese, some English, it was good.


I happened across a stall that was selling roasted piggy sandwiches with apple sauce and stuffing (£3.00).


I had a couple of quid in my pocket so I thought fuck it, and bought a sandwich (there was a beautiful girl beside me who politely asked the stall holder, “Excuse me, could I take one of your napkins please?”.

I turned around and said “Lovely manners!” and she turned to me and said “thank you!”.

(I accidently looked down her top, and man……she had gorgeous boobies…….flawless skin. I just thought “ooof, spring is here………all the birds and the bees……..” but anyway, back to the sandwich.)

The guy on the stall wasn’t really what you’d call a “people person” haha I asked, “what would you recommend?” and he looked at the pig and said, “pork! It’s all we sell”.

I clarified, “no, I mean would you recommend that I try the apple sauce, or the stuffing? Or can I have both??” he seemed to chirp up and said, “you can have both, you get the sweetness of the apple with the savoury of the stuffing.

And both I had 🙂

I sat around the corner in the Bigg Market and ate my porky bap, it was delicious.

So the moral of that story is, “Seek and yee shall find”: boobies, piggies and adversaries; balloons and strange foxes on quaint bicycles.

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